Cruising down the Yangtze River, and subsequent visits to Shanghai, opens Derek's eyes to the true meaning of giving in China.
On my first trip to China, while sailing on the Yangtze River from Chongqing to Shanghai, I was befriended by a man that was brave enough to engage me in conversation. I'd just started learning Chinese and, while I could hold a simple conversation, my vocabulary was very limited. As we spent a few days together onboard, I was surprised that he always offered me whatever food or drink he had. And when he learned I was going to visit Shanghai for the first time, and hadn't arranged a place to stay, he became very concerned.
He insisted I stay with him. I declined, saying I'd find a place and that after many days onboard, I was really looking forward to a good, hot shower.
A day out of Shanghai, without warning, he prepared to disembark. He shook my hand, told me how great it was to spend the last few days with me, and that fate would bring us together again. I said goodbye, accompanied him to the platform, and waved as he walked down the gangway. As a frequent traveller, I've rarely run into someone I've met during my travels again unless we exchange contact information, so I didn't give a second thought to his statement, "fate will bring us together again." I spend a quiet evening onboard, enjoying the last few hours of our long cruise. And when our ship docked in Shanghai, I lingered, standing on the bow to enjoy the views of Shanghai's skyline and the Bund.
But as I gathered my things and started to leave the ship, I heard someone calling my extremely uncommon Chinese name. For my Chinese name, I simply took my English name and used Chinese characters that sounded similar to it, so I've never heard of a native Chinese person having the same name as me, Ha Du Ray. As this person called out "Ha Du Ray, Ha Du Ray!", I thought, "Wow, what are the chances that someone in Shanghai has the same name as me?" But whoever was yelling was calling out to me. My friend, who'd disembarked the day before, was waiting for me at the wharf with his sister and brother-in-law. They were calling my name and waving their hands to get my attention. I couldn't believe it. I went over to greet them and again they insisted I stay with them. I told them I'd booked a hotel but asked if we could have dinner together. They took my bag, threw it into a cab and nearly threw me in with it!
Sometimes foreigners complain that Chinese seem rude or pushy when they do this, but they're actually just being hospitable. Because people sometimes refuse invitations for fear of imposing on their hosts, Chinese hosts sometimes must show that they won't accept "no" for an answer.
No Money, Please!
Once in the cab we drove a short distance to their apartment. It was a small two-room apartment with a kitchen in front and a combined living room/bedroom in the back. They were not wealthy and actually didn't have the means to host an extra guest – at least not a Westerner who expects his own bed! But they prepared a fabulous dinner of beef, shrimp, fish, vegetables and fruit. I felt guilty they'd spend so much time and money to prepare such a great dinner for me.
When I told them I couldn't stay overnight they argued that it was no problem. But they didn't actually have space for an extra person, so they agreed to show me to a guesthouse close to their home and negotiated a special rate. As we left for the guesthouse, I tried to give them some money for the dinner. They adamantly refused and another small pushing match ensued, so I retracted my offer and thanked them for their generosity. But before I left, I put $50 under a bowl on the table. I said goodbye to his sister and thanked her for the meal. The three of us then left for the guesthouse. All of a sudden, from their window all the way down in the street, I heard a scream.
Thinking something terrible had happened, we stopped in our tracks and turned around to see what had happened. My friend's sister came running out of the house saying, "He gave us money, take back your money!" Another friendly scuffle occurred on the street while they tried to return my money. Neighbors began appearing in their windows and doorways to see what all the fuss was about. And as hard as I tried, they would not accept a single cent from me.
We remained friends for years after that. Whenever I returned to Shanghai, I would visit and bring them gifts while they would always cook fantastic Shanghai dinners for me. While this is only one example, I've been fortunate to meet many Chinese along the way whom are equally generous and willing to go far above and beyond what is necessary to be great hosts.
